How To Help a Friend Who May Have an Eating Disorder

Things to Consider...

• Avoiding or ignoring your friend's problem will not help!! Your friend's health and even life may be in danger.
• Seek professional help, so you do not feel alone and have someone to turn to for guidance. Do not keep your friend's problem a secret for fear of making her/him angry or getting her/him in trouble.
• Your are doing a wonderful thing by learning more about eating disorders and wanting to help your friend. Someday, she/he will thank you.

Guidelines For Communication>

• If a number of people are actively concerned, consider who might be most effective in speaking to your friend.
• Try to confront your friend at a time when you are feeling calm and a place where you feel comfortable - one where there will be no interruptions.
• Express your concerns in a caring, non-judgmental way by using "I" statements. For example, "I am concerned about you, or "I think you may have a problem."
• Avoid using "You" statements. For example, "You are out of control," or "You have to eat something!"
• Do not label or diagnose. For instance, avoid saying, "You have an eating disorder."
• Be specific about behaviors that concern you. Share your memories of times or instances you felt worried about your friend. Discuss the emotions you experienced as a result of these events.
• Ask the person to share his/her feelings with you. Let your friend know you are there to be supportive and listen. Make sure she/he understands that you will not expose the situation to other friends, the dorm, etc.
• If your friend does not want to talk, do not give up. Perhaps try an alternative approach, such as writing him/he a letter. If you are still not getting through to your friend, seek help from a professional on what to do next.

Source: Material reproduced from, "How to help someone who may have an eating disorder." - Cornell University Health Services, 9/97